How would you feel if someones stupidity and rash actions threatens to take apart everything you ever worked for. How would you feel if those actions will be bulldozing away everything you are working for.

Past efforts erased. No bright future to look forward to. Is that how you want me to look at my life?

Always controlled by external factors. When will I be able to detach myself from everything. I want my own life. I want to be in control. Why do people have to screw it up for me every single @#$%-ing time?!

What did I do wrong to deserve this.

Yes. There are people that a hell lot worse off. All I want is a normal life. Where are the high lights of my life? Where? I don't feel good about it at all. I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't nag. I have my 3 meals. I have a roof over my head(?). I have a warm place to go back to.

But still... I look around. I see myself being dragged into a bottomless pit. Frankly speaking, I feel like shit these few weeks. I'm desperately trying to fix all the pieces together. But someone just had to crush everything. Do you know how that feels? 19 years of my life. I spent 19 years of my life just barely making it each time. Plans of success always thwarted but someone or something. Always something in my way. Nothing goes according to plan. Yes I still managed to clear those obstacles. I need some breathing space...

Can't something go smoothly for once? Can't I just kick back and let my thoughts bring me to where I want to go?

I want stability. I want to know I can do it. The signs certainly don,t point in that direction. Not anymore.

FYI supposed to have a hell lot of posts in between this post and the previous one just wasn't in the mood to post them.

If one day I could break free and soar...